Friday, November 26, 2010


I cannot express enough how much I HAAAATE soliciting door-to-door. Maybe it’s just out of my comfort zone. Or maybe… I’m just no good at it at all. To be honest, I can’t say that it’s something I even want to get better at. I feel like I’m invading their sanctuary. I don’t want to PUSH this organization on anyone. The passion speaks for itself. Let the people hear! Unstop their ears!

Persistence doesn’t necessarily constitute success. I’m still trying to teach myself to accept that failure doesn’t only cause growth, but that failure is inevitable. There is no one down the line to help. We don’t even have everyone at the front of the line yet. The hardest part is that with each bump in the road, I’m finding that I once again must reinvent the wheel. It’s hard enough to hit a wall with people outside, but when people on the inside stop believing in the process, it’s twice as hard to tear the work apart and form it into something to please the raging lion. Sometimes a quick fix is not the answer. Sometimes we simply must see things through. Oh, how I do think the enemy is enjoying this.

And I’m tired. I’m so very tired.

Sometimes it’s harder when others believe in me. Especially when they believe I am capable of more than I believe that I, myself, am capable of. Because then if the efforts fail, I know it’s me who has let them down and given them false hope.

The cloak of each day manifests itself on our shoulders until we can bare it no longer and discard it. Some keep closets full of the past while others let it fall from them as they drift into sleep. As we wake we find the new cloak waiting to be donned. Sometimes light and clean, ready to be broken in, molded to our body. Other times heavy and thick with patches of past cloaks.

This world changes and ebbs. We see ourselves cycle through one friendship to another casting off each promised day and investing our hopes in the next. Sometimes I have trouble believing in tomorrow when I have not yet resolved today. There are children in other countries counting on us. Let us not forget that.

I don’t think this is helping and I can feel it sinking into my bones. I fear the enemy is close.

When the darkness closes in Lord, still I will say: Blessed be the name of the Lord!

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