Tuesday, October 12, 2010


            It seems that God continues to find ways to humble me. After the energy from Sunday’s Impact meeting, I stayed up until 3am that night and until 12:30am on Monday to put together a COTN-SD facebook and twitter (and I have ZERO experience with twitter). I wanted to create something efficient and professional so I took extra time to create new COTN logos specific for San Diego. Now, here I am Tuesday evening removing them because I was a little too ambitious to consider copyright laws. Oops!

            It will also take some time to get used to the idea that the shortest distance between the COTN-SD office and the San Diego community is a line through Washington. There are times when the spirit moves me and I want to be able to share that with others but I will need to humble myself and learn patience. I have never before been in a position where I am being entrusted in this way. It’s not simply “get it done”, but there are stipulations to getting it done correctly. Still, I have not yet felt like this is not something God will get me through. I enjoy learning and I suppose God knows that all too well.

            And I suppose God knows that I also like a challenge. I got a text from my apartment manager during the busy part of my day at the gym telling me that once again they want me to pay double my rent. So once again I don’t know what I am going to do. But I have been blessed with people in my life that will keep me from failing… and I am so absolutely grateful.

            And then God gives me a slap of reality and I’m humbled again. Our founder, Chris Clark, returned from Malawi with some upsetting and challenging news for COTN. It made me realize how trivial my problems are. With every fiber of myself, I want to be working to heal the wounds of this unmistakable spiritual war. By coming on staff with a Christian organization, you find out quickly that people love you and people hate you. It’s not just a job. It’s picking up a target and putting it on your back every day. It’s giving Satan something to focus on. It’s multiplying your problems exponentially.

            But don’t be discouraged. Beauty, joy, and accomplishment are also just as prevalent. There are those who are equipped with prayer, those equipped with grace, and those equipped with strength. Some are called to offer the other cheek and others are called to wear the breastplate and take up the sword and shield. I have always said that I didn’t believe God was going to make my life easy. I am finding that our expectations can shape who we are and what we will become. In that case, I am fairly certain that I will be going into the heart of battle. Although I may never achieve glory, I believe that I will be able to bring it.

Keep COTN (especially Malawi) in your prayers, as well as Chris’ peace of mind.

It was He who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up – Ephesians 4:11-12

Sunday, October 10, 2010


          Today was a huge accomplishment for the Flood church. It was their tenth year anniversary celebration. They celebrated with music, dance, a message from Malawi, an incredible sermon, and a surprise for COTN! I’m getting ahead of myself.

          It was the usual crammed packed Sunday for me. In the rush of getting from one appointment to the other I found myself arriving 10 min late for our COTN meeting at Kearny High Library. This was the first impact meeting where we actually had a good turn out. Holly had everyone introduce themselves by stating their name, how they found out about COTN and what they are looking to get involved with. I continue to get re-inspired every time I see the passion to be a part of this organization in the eyes of others. I'm hoping to get on the DR/Haiti trip this February to experience what some of these people have. The ideas that were thrown out on the table were great! It gave us new possibilities, new directions. That’s my ideology showing itself. Ha!

           The passion and ambition of the Flood church has been a major fuel for COTN-SD. I can only imagine what could be accomplished if every church were moved as Flood moves.

          I thought about that as I sat through the meeting and heard the excitement of the congregation wafting through the open doors from the auditorium across the courtyard. Praises mixed with piano and electric guitar, the energy of dance and a drum cadence… It made me want to ask, “How do YOU worship?” Through song? Through service? Through quiet moments of grace? What other God welcomes such diverse ways to praise?

          The energy in that meeting was almost tangible. This wasn’t just a meeting. It was a movement. It didn’t feel like a lecture or a long drawn out process, but rather a coming together of friends with the same passion. I could sense how there were people in the circle who were excited to finally get their hands involved and have their voices heard. Everyone had something to offer.

          As I sat in the service listening to Matt talk about starting the Flood Church 10 years ago, I couldn’t help but relate. What if we all let God move in us the way he desires to be moving? What if everyone in this life kept from holding back? What if we all took the chance that might not be financially stable, or socially acceptable, or necessarily what we want to be doing? What if we all said, “Alright God, I’ll be the conduit. You have control.” What if we meant the words: We’re offering up our lives. A living sacrifice. That you would reign. That you would reign in us.Things may be difficult now, but 10 years from now I want to be sitting in Flood’s 20th anniversary service celebrating our own COTN-SD 10th year anniversary.

          The awesome thing is that Flood wants it too. Today Matt announced that the Flood church is donating $15,000 to COTN-SD to get the ministry started! We now have $15,010 in our account to start our own decade of growth. There is no limit to the possibilities of what can we accomplish. 10 years is a long time to be alive… if you’re truly alive.

          Thank you Flood and congratulations on your 10 years of being ALIVE!

I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you. – Genesis 12:2-3

Tuesday, October 5, 2010


Yesterday was a full day of COTN. I met with Holly in the morning to start our day with a run. It was good to get outside my apartment (even in the rain) and forget about my problems for a while. In the unusual San Diego drizzle, the ocean met the sky and it seemed like the clouds were breaking and washing up on shore. Sometimes when I’m out I start to think, “If I could just run forever… never stop… leave all my stresses behind…”

We had our first Field Service weekly conference meeting. There were a few glitches trying to get everyone into the same conference session online, but it turned out well. I’m excited to see how these weekly meetings come together. Eventually we will have it figured out and it will be more structured, but it went well. It’s great to hear everyone working to bring everything full-circle.

We all know the things we need to get done and the things we need to have accomplished by others to aid in our own progress. The willingness of this group of people to jump on top of the issues and tackle them amazes me. It’s not like other jobs where the work is grudgingly done. We all see the need and we all want to fix the problem.

I spent the rest of the day with Holly typing up contact information, going over event details, assigning responsibilities, and swapping more emails than should be allowed in one day. We worked until well after the sun went down and by the time I got home around 7:30pm I was ready for a cup of tea and a movie to unwind.

This life right now is like quicksand. The more I struggle to gain footing, the deeper I sink. I find a promising branch to grab hold of and it breaks off in my hand. I found a roommate, but now work and finances have decided it’s their turn to dissolve before my eyes. I know my current job is in the way of my progress with COTN and my relationship with God. I hate it. I can’t believe I could put so many hours into something and get so little out of it. Financially and spiritually. It’s sucking me dry. Putting COTN on top of a swaying pile of To Do lists isn’t helping COTN either. I keep pressing on towards the day when it will be COTN held firmly in my hands.

I feel like Peter watching Jesus walk away as I start sinking beneath the waves. The clouds and the sea are becoming one and drowning me on every side. I look up and see Jesus and want to believe so badly but all these worldly things are weighing me down and I am doubting that I can make it. I just have to keep my head above water and my eyes focused on Christ. He WILL come back for me. I believe that with all my heart. Even though I have no idea how I am going to make ends meet, He will provide and this is the path He wants me to be following.

Of all the struggles this past week, the accomplishment I was most happy about is that I was able to tithe to Flood. To have something… anything… to give back to a church that has given so much to me means everything.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” – Jeremiah 29:11