1/15/11

Welcome to the new year! After a very successful and slightly stressful (slightly might be an understatement) end to 2010, here we are ready to jump into a brand new year for the San Diego office.

I had a bit of an awakening when I arrived back in San Diego after the holidays. Honestly, I’m not that surprised. The stresses of the relays and my lack of personal support had taken its toll on me. It was expressed to me that there was concern that I have a defeatist attitude and am a negative person. It was quite a blow, but as I said, I’m not that surprised.

The problem is… I’m not really a negative person. I’m actually very hopeful. I think it’s that I often allow myself to be overly rational. I wouldn’t say that I have a defeatist attitude, I just recognize when certain things aren’t working. I don’t want to quit, but I need the ability to back up and get a better angle. Sometimes you can bang your head against a wall but you won’t get through it until you back up to see the door.

When things aren’t working, I simply think it’s time to reassess. It’s what we keep hearing in church: God may not be saying “no”, but he may say “Not right now.” When things start falling apart and I am not seeing any improvement on the horizon, rationality says, “It’s time to rethink this. Either do something different or regroup and try when situations are better.”

Things were coming so fast in December with all the different events and sales that there was really no time to step back and regroup. I kept pushing at the wall praying that I could keep it from falling over and crushing us all. However, standing that close was keeping me from seeing anything but the wall and I believe I was losing sight of the good around me. Actually… I had even discussed this with another staff member.

I had never lost faith. I went back and read my past blogs. There was still hope under all the stress. Even when I wake up and I don’t know how things will work out, I thank God that there is breath in my lungs. When rationality is telling me, “You need to try something different.” and I am unable to, I find it difficult to act like everything is ok.

However, I don’t think that God is necessarily a rational God. When things seem impossible and out of comprehension, God doesn’t even bat an eyelash. “Swim the red sea?... Naw, you’re going walk through it.” I believe that what God wants will come to pass, but I also believe that God doesn’t expect us to be foolish. It’s finding that line that is so difficult.

I’ve finally made the decision to quit the gym. I am so relieved, but at the same time so nervous. I am glad I no longer have to be a salesman or constantly making a commute I can barely afford just to get to a job that ends up being wasted hours that I don’t even get paid for. This takes such a load off my chest, but places some additional weight on my shoulders.

I have to move out in order to afford to live. I desperately feel like I need another job, but I need to have Mondays for COTN and I need the time for my private clients. And the randomness of my clients makes it difficult to find a job with hours I can work around. I have to believe that God has great plans for me. He has already blessed me with the opportunity to clean a home for some extra income. Thankfully the success of the Ripple Relay is getting me to Haiti and the DR.

I’m actually going! I’m going to the countries that I’ve wanted to get to for so long. Though I often don’t know His plan, there is no way God will let me fail. God is good! Holly asked me if I believe that statement…

I do.

UPDATE

As Children of the Nations has officially instituted Area Offices, our first year is going to be one of transition and organization. We are trying to make things uniformed across the board so as to avoid confusion.

We needed to change the name of our Facebook page to include parentheses rather than the dash. Since we already have over 100 fans of the page (cause you guys are awesome!) The name was locked and we had to reissue a new Facebook page.

Please become a fan of our new page.

Children of the Nations (San Diego)

12/5/10

I am officially an Event Planner. Today was the Ripple Relay as well as the first event for the San Diego office! It was incredible to see all the hard work come to fruition. My knees are not happy with me and I am currently sitting in my living room icing them down. I wish I could say it all went smoothly, but that was not the case. I’m sure that we will have lots of disjointedness throughout this entire first year, but there was more than was necessary this time around.

You can see all the pictures on our facebook page

I have a hard time dealing with complications when I saw them coming miles away and gave adequate warning of them. You never want to see a disaster happen just the way you predicted it would. I wonder if this is the stress that Nostradamus lived in. I find that I have this reoccurring problem in my life where I speak but am not heard. I don’t know if it’s because I lack conviction when I talk or if people just don’t believe I know what I’m talking about.

There were also a lot of last minute changes that weren’t thought through. I am also someone who is committed to my word and I am not comfortable changing things on people so close to an event. There needs to be time to prepare. I may be good with being flexible myself, but I know better than to expect that from everyone. When working with the public, you have to remember that you can only get as far as you’re willing to take the least of these. Generally most people are able to handle what you throw at them, but if we just assume, then we will leave people behind and that can severely affect us. It’s the same with anything. You must be prepared for the worst-case scenario and just hope you don’t have to use it. That’s why buildings have crazy fire codes and accessibility codes. You might not need them, but they are “just in case”.

I need to get better at being heard and getting people to follow through because I have a strong tendency to believe that if something needs to get done, then I’m going to have to do it myself. I’ve had so many people flake on things in my life, that I’ve sort of become a lone ranger. I love working on a team when the team is acting like a team (theater, sports, committees, etc…) but when people prove to be unconcerned or unreliable instead of consulting with them, I just pile the workload on my shoulders. In this event alone I was coordinator, pacer, photographer, videographer, and participant.

There are several of us who need to get better at delegating and then respecting those who we’ve delegated the work to. It’s going to derail everyone if we constantly take projects out of each other’s hands in mid-process. We have to trust that organizers know what they are doing. And if they don’t, then we have to respect that failure is a system of growth.

I know that if several things weren’t taken out of my hands then they would have run smoother, but I’m hoping the same truth about failure applies here: taking over someone else’s work has failed to improve the situation. Let us learn from this. We will only continue to fail if we don’t learn from our mistakes. I’m sure I will be reminded of this same lesson as I start to grow my events team.

Hmmmm… speaking of lessons I’ve learned; I believe that I have a note I wrote a long time ago to remind myself to schedule out events so we didn’t overlap or plan events during other happening’s in the area that cause conflicts. For example planning a college rummage sale in the middle of spring break when all the students are gone…. or a tree sale the same time as the Ripple Relay… just saying.

Overall, the sale and the relay went well enough. However, it has been brought to my attention that we are starting to lose focus. I realized this during the Orange Co. event when I needed the video to reconnect to the whole reason behind what we are doing. I think funds are becoming too forefront in our minds. Granted we are trying to get the San Diego office up and running, I really think we should be starting and ending each work day in prayer. (I’m just as bad as anyone with forgetting to do so.)

Sitting in Flood every Sunday is such a wonderful rejuvenation. It’s like going to the chiropractor to get realigned. By the end of the week I find that I am in dire need of spiritual alignment. The enemy has been particularly active among us and I can see how each person is struggling. Unawareness, insensitivity, overbearing, uncommitted, over worked, over stressed, over sensitive, disconcerted, unconcerned, prideful, over critical, drained, and questioning our intentions. This week’s message came at the right time. I have been talking about spiritual warfare and to have Matt cover the topic confirmed how COTN in San Diego, nationally, and abroad is being targeted and needs to stand strong.

The difficulties are just beginning.

We will stand together.

“The Devil will try to thwart us from praying for he has no power over those who desire to give themselves to God.” – Teresa of Ávila

Every trial endured and weathered in the right spirit makes a soul nobler and stronger than it was before. – James Buckham

12/4/10

            This is the second time I’ve traveled the 12-mile relay course. First time I ran/walked it to make sure it would be safe for our participants. This time I borrowed my roommate’s beach cruiser to chalk off the route and mark the miles. The bike was helpful, but I am a good foot taller than my roommate and I couldn’t adjust the seat. My knees are a little achey and I’m not really looking forward to how they are going to feel tomorrow after having to bike the course again as well as run a mile of it.

            This morning we had our tree pickup at the Flood office from our Christmas Tree & Wreath Sale. For not really having much time to plan for this it turned out well. We had the Boucher’s taking incredible photos for us. Our friend John volunteered to be Santa. We got a lot of really good feed back on how it went and I was entertained watching our volunteer staff try to MacGyver the trees onto the tops of cars.

            My mind was elsewhere most of the time because I was hoping the pickup would end with enough daylight for me to get back to Mission Bay to mark off the relay course and make sure everything is prepared for the event tomorrow. Dueling events are not a good idea. I feel like we aren’t able to put enough into either because we don’t have enough time. But the decision was made and action was taken and all I can do now is try my best to give all I can to each event.

            Time to relax for the day. I’ll let you know how the Relay goes tomorrow.

You can see all the photos on our facebook page

Each difficult moment has the potential to open my eyes and open my heart. –  Myla Kabat-Zinn

11/29/10

Wow! Live and learn. Today the San Diego crew went up to Orange County to help out with their event. Sara in the COTN Orange Co. office had pulled together a golf tournament, dinner and silent auction. We drove up early in the morning and started setting things up for the auction, wrapping baskets, decorating, and getting the logistics figured out.

            There was a lot we weren’t ready for and didn’t have figured out, but we pressed through it. It was frantic, frustrating, and yet fun when it all came together. In the end the event was a success.

            Lately I have been getting very rushed in preparation for the Ripple Relay and on top of that having the Christmas Tree Sale butting up right against it. Having to deal with a sale and our very first event at the same time is making me feel like we aren’t giving enough focus to either event. I’ve been working late into the night just to try to make sure that each goes off without a hitch. To make it even more stressful, I am now not simply planning the events, but need to participate in them as well. So planning, actuating, and trying to raise funds while I’m still working at the gym isn’t leaving me much room for anything else.

            Tonight during the dinner they showed a video about COTN. It went over all that COTN does for the children in our countries. It was at that point I started to find what I have been missing these past weeks. I have been so focused on the events that I forgot what I was doing it for. I could feel my heart swell as I watched the video and renew my strength. This IS what I want to be doing. I want to know that all these efforts aren’t just for some 12-mile loop around the bay, but for the lives of children who need our help. I have been losing my reasons, my heart, and my faith. I have been putting far too much on my shoulders and forgetting to make God a part of it, when He should be all of it. I needed that video at that moment to remind me of these things.

By the time it ended and we had cleaned up and regrouped, we were more than ready to make the drive back to San Diego for some much needed rest.

            It was good to get an event under our belts before we, as the San Diego office had our own. We needed some practice at working together in event situations to prepare us for our upcoming Ripple Relay event. There was a lot that we took away from Orange Co. and I am thankful for the experience.

Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people. – Ephesians 6:7

11/26/10

I cannot express enough how much I HAAAATE soliciting door-to-door. Maybe it’s just out of my comfort zone. Or maybe… I’m just no good at it at all. To be honest, I can’t say that it’s something I even want to get better at. I feel like I’m invading their sanctuary. I don’t want to PUSH this organization on anyone. The passion speaks for itself. Let the people hear! Unstop their ears!

Persistence doesn’t necessarily constitute success. I’m still trying to teach myself to accept that failure doesn’t only cause growth, but that failure is inevitable. There is no one down the line to help. We don’t even have everyone at the front of the line yet. The hardest part is that with each bump in the road, I’m finding that I once again must reinvent the wheel. It’s hard enough to hit a wall with people outside, but when people on the inside stop believing in the process, it’s twice as hard to tear the work apart and form it into something to please the raging lion. Sometimes a quick fix is not the answer. Sometimes we simply must see things through. Oh, how I do think the enemy is enjoying this.

And I’m tired. I’m so very tired.

Sometimes it’s harder when others believe in me. Especially when they believe I am capable of more than I believe that I, myself, am capable of. Because then if the efforts fail, I know it’s me who has let them down and given them false hope.

The cloak of each day manifests itself on our shoulders until we can bare it no longer and discard it. Some keep closets full of the past while others let it fall from them as they drift into sleep. As we wake we find the new cloak waiting to be donned. Sometimes light and clean, ready to be broken in, molded to our body. Other times heavy and thick with patches of past cloaks.

This world changes and ebbs. We see ourselves cycle through one friendship to another casting off each promised day and investing our hopes in the next. Sometimes I have trouble believing in tomorrow when I have not yet resolved today. There are children in other countries counting on us. Let us not forget that.

I don’t think this is helping and I can feel it sinking into my bones. I fear the enemy is close.

“When the darkness closes in Lord, still I will say: Blessed be the name of the Lord!”

11/7/10

These past few weeks have been packed full. Finally finishing my first full month back at the gym trying to get everything back on track, plugging away at the Ripple Relay, preparing for Flood events, and working, reworking, and recreating a marketing video.

I have been up until anywhere between 2-4am working on a video for our Ripple Relay. I remember this is the very reason why I didn’t go into commercial art or IT. As much as I love doing it, after the third time of trashing a completed video to start over with corrections, (after 8-10 hours at my other job) it’s enough to stress anyone out. But, thankfully, we all came to an agreement on the video and all the tweaks and bugs were hammered out. It turned out rather nice. I do miss some of the emotion of the other videos, but that is something I’ve learned to take with a grain of salt because I realize that everyone interprets differently and everyone has different emotional connectors.

Ripple Relay from AngelaM on Vimeo.

I’m hoping we can reach a lot of people quickly with this video. We are currently far below our intended registered participants. With the cost of renting the park ground and shelter, we might not even make money off this event. It sits like a rock on my stomach. If this fails than I am 0 for 2, since the 5K fell through. I really start to worry about how qualified I actually am for this position. Great ideas are only great if they can become reality. 12 miles is becoming a longer and longer distance in my head and it is leaving us miles from being funded.

I think “courage” is my biggest focus right now.

Some updates are that we secured an office in Sorrento Valley. It is currently unfinished, so we are looking for a contractor to help us build a wall, install carpeting, put in a small kitchen/dinette, and maybe a few small wiring things. The owner of the building is extremely kind and gracious to us. I am hoping that this is a great place for us to grow and thrive.

We got our coffee in from the DR and I already know that I’m gifting a pound of it to someone for Christmas. We are also selling trees and wreathes for Christmas. If you’re in the San Diego area and are interested in a tree or wreath, you can email me (angelamedaugh@cotni.org) or talk to one of our impact team members.

We also have some great contacts at UCSD who are interested in starting up a COTN club on campus. We are so excited by their enthusiasm. I am amazed at how the San Diego office is continually blessed by the eagerness of people to get involved with the COTN organization. I often think about how much I hope that the other area offices find (if they haven’t already) a community who is spiritually on fire and tapped into a motivation of service.

Our end goal is to have many more churches and businesses in the San Diego area involved in COTN, but I am well aware of how much Flood has been our solid foundation even before an area office here was even a thought in Chris Clark’s head. Flood has been going to Malawi since 2002. I believe Chris and Matt’s friendship has been a key factor in COTN’s growth in the San Diego community. It is disappointing to go to my other church in PB and hear them speak of their involvement in mission work and yet though I offer my services to their media team and have presented them with two opportunities to be involved with COTN, they have not even returned my emails. Sometimes it is difficult for a church to expand beyond its own four walls or immediate congregation.

Passion cannot be drawn from an empty well and the spirit cannot fill it if it has been sealed closed. We all know by now that the handle of the door is on the inside and it is up to us to open it. Some will put up a wall. Currently, the spirit is not moving COTN to defiance, but rather, to an open invitation. There is something significant about “letting the children come…”

That is another amazing thing about joining this ministry. COTN has not chosen the location of the area offices… the areas have chosen COTN. I remember Chris being very particular in conversations about expansion while we were at the conference in Silverdale. We are not an imposing organization. We are not strategizing where our next area office is going to be. We are an infectious organization that goes where the spirit moves and develops us. Thinking about it, I wouldn’t want it to be any other way. Each and every person who has come to work for COTN has his or her own incredible story. I wouldn’t want someone to work for COTN just for the sake of having a job. The passion people in this organization have for the organization is what I believe makes us so powerful and progressive.

Be humble in the presence of God's mighty power, and he will honor you when the time comes. 7God cares for you, so turn all your worries over to him. – 1 Peter 5:6-7